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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i dont know if everyone heard but i had a mass near my kidney that on the 8th of June was given a clean bill of health....well the doctor got a second result back, and NO ONE told her that it was in my file. she was going over the results due to the fact it was probably caused by my motorcycle accident March 1st and found the file...well I got word on July 1st that the results came back as a rare cancer called Spindle Cell Sarcoma. the mass is small still, not on my kidney that they see and hasnt grown in 3 months in size. just im 37, have a 8 yr old and scared to no end. my emotions are all over the place, i do have medical insurance but i dont see the oncologist until Friday the 8th. hes the head of oncology at a very good hospital one town over. he also resided at Mt Sinai in NY and is top in his field. its the WEEK wait and thats only for him to discuss whats next....i even saw my ex girlfriend (the one i was seeing a year+ ago when i was going through some tough times with my wife) and just completely lost it with her and just couldnt control my emotions (in a sad way, not anger). i just kept apologizing and telling her how much she had ment to me over the years....just lost it. i dont know what to do, im scared, ive got a lot going on in my life, my own business and so much going for me right now...and THIS happens. Anyone here have any good support groups or anything that might calm me down?? youre all my friends here and need some support...anyone? i know Recon is going through some stuff with his kid....i sometimes thing im being punished for having problems at home and seeing my ex.....and im not a religious person. thank you all for reading this long story and it means alot that you guys are here. thank you!!
Ron
 

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Hey Ron, you need anything just facebook message me. I got some good ears left :lol:

I hope everything turns out for the best. The unknown is the worst in a situation like this. But you just gotta look at the positives in a situation, even when it totally sucks and it seems like being positive is the hardest thing in the world.

I really hope the best for you and hope they can get it removed and get the disease gone.

Regards,
Taylor
 

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Discovering your own mortality is a hard thing to take in. Don't be too hard on yourself for not being in total control of your emotions, because to be honest I don't think anybody could be, in that situation. as 94Rodayo said, just keep a mind on the positive things. The fact that it isnt attached to a major organ is a good thing. The fact that it hasn't grown is also good news. Just remember that you have a lot of people that care about you and want to be there for you, but they may not know how. Don't be afraid to ask of others.
 

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Ron, sorry to hear of your dilemna. However, sounds like you and the medics are on top of it. It's natural to be anxious and greatly concerned, however, sounds like you have a top notch M.D. and I'm sure he'll be all over it. Regarding your emotions, we all have them though few of us are willing or able to express them in the graceful manner you have. Hang tough, keep us informed, and if you need anything, give a holler.

shooter
 

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Hey Ron, I'm truly sorry for such rough news. I know that you say that you aren't religious, but for what it's worth, I'm praying that your doctors help you kick this thing.
 

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Ron....so sorry to hear of the news.

Showing your emotions only means you're human; there's nothing wrong with allowing them to be known, shows you care about others as well as yourself.

There's a Tim McGraw song out, about the same scenerio, a guy who finds out he has cancer and all of a sudden everything in life is about enjoying it and showing the emotion.

My thoughts go out to you and your son.
 

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I was gonna try something witty - but serious sounds better at the mo.

Any potentially devastating medical news is always bad to all involved, and I'm glad to see that no-one has said that they know 'exactly how you feel ' - 'cause they don't.

Potentially devastating medical news that is put off for a time period is the worst - I've been there.

Thirty eight is a good time to find out about this though if you'll follow me here for a few lines:::

You are considerably younger than most with this situation - and that's a huge plus. Your ability to bounce back is considerably better than an older person who already has some other sidebar problems that can cause untold complications for a good outcome.

You, on the other hand - are youthful and even if you don't feel it, you are a better bounce-back candidate for this surgery (if warranted) and recovery that I am. I'm sixty-five and not too well off - but that's not the point.

You are needed to continue your life for the sake of others, and I know that everyone's pulling for you - me in prayer - and whatever you think of that, well, that's too bad. I'll pray anyway.

One nice point about your body - you've got two kidneys - and you can very well run on just one. IF this suspected mass is indeed going to destroy one, you've got a spare.

Now - get out there and wax the rest of your truck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
thank you all. its just hard to believe. i dont drink, smoke, do drugs, eat unhealthy foods and i get this...to help with the story and understand why im like this.....

in 95 i was dating a wonderful girl, my father got sick and doctors found cancer in his body. he was 53. the girl dumped me and 3 months later i was working on a lowered Mitsubishi pickup and got "the call"...it was my fathers time. after doing about 110 down the highway and getting to the hospital, my fathers in the bed and my brother was there. so the doctors come in, drain his lungs of fluids and ask us if they should continue to do the fluid draining. we both agreed not to continue. about an hour later, my father took his last breath and fluids came out of his mouth. i stood there watched my father pass from cancer related illness. i was 21. my wife (new girlfriend at the time) went to his funeral with me and later on got married in october 97.

Well fast forward to Sept 10, 2009. i went out with my ex, the one that dumped me when my dad just got sick. we met on Facebook. i told her how i felt about her then, and she never understood or knew. she told me she was intimidated by me then and got scared. she had sent me a sympathy card, and i still have it, the only one i ever kept.

i had connected her with a very dramatic time in my life and she always stayed in my head and heart.
i almost got divorced, lost everything and decided to stick it out with the wife (who has her own issues not related to me or my acts) because of my son. so, seeing my ex again, then getting cancer scare (who knows the outcome yet....) and i see history repeating with ME this time, and it scares the **** out of me. im a basket case the past 2 days because i keep reliving the hospital visit....16 years ago, then thinking of my ex and it just tears me apart in both aspects of it. then i feel like **** because i stayed and fortunately i have medical benefits because of it...and i was in the right place to get hit and xray'd to find the mass. like seriously, things happening almost 2 years prior, put in motion doctors finding a mass thats a rare cancer....really????? so my indiscretions of my affair save me? and my ex, she is still a wonderful woman and any man would be fortunate to be with her... but in a way, this whole life plan has played out to this point in my life, like one big soap opera....and folks "these are the days of our lives".....

good night and thank you all for a wonderful caring response. it shows how we are a big family here and i thank you all

Ron
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
SurferJoe said:
me in prayer - and whatever you think of that, well, that's too bad. I'll pray anyway.

Now - get out there and wax the rest of your truck.
thanks Surfer!!! i have no religious hang ups, i am not a practicing religious person. i believe in a higher power, just not calling them (insert name here) that might offend others and cause a war...just a higher power and leave it at that. now, i have to PAINT the truck before i can wax it!!!! ;)
kindest regards
Ron
 

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Ron,
best of luck to ya, keep your head up, after having a life changing hospital visit myself a little bit ago, I've come to realize that things of such adversity come into our lives to both
a) humble us a little
b) let us know we're strong.

I have faith (if I can use that) that everything will be ok, if not, let me know if I need to buy more door handles to help pay the med visits :p

I too will be praying.
 

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You're a good person Ron, don't blame yourself for this. I've seen the powers of positive thinking do wonders. Whether that be prayer or just keeping a positive tone. I've seen examples that worked either way. Always look on the brighter side of things.

The whole ex thing sounds complicated, not sure what to tell you there. I have a few "what ifs" that I have always wondered about. I think we all wonder what would have happened if we had the chance.
 

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Ron just hang in there good buddy! I know its scary but you have to stay strong, specially for your family
 

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Hi Ron,

Sounds like you have top notch doctors looking at you so that's a real big positive for you. Maybe your doctor could point you to a good support group?

It's hard to comment on your situation from a distance, as I've never had a scare like this. I know the memory of your dad haunts you but it sounds like he had a totally different form. Take this one day at a time, try not to make it into something it might not be. Easy to say I know, but really, you just don't know. You're here now and that's what's important. Try to take care of whatever things need to be taken care of in your life. It's what we all should do because you know something? In reality, none of us ever really knows what tomorrow might bring. You've just gotten a nudge but don't let it knock you over. We all have a limited number of days on this earth, and we can never afford to waste them in panic. It's a holiday weekend man! Enjoy it with your son! Take a few deep breaths, and enjoy the holiday. Make it a good memory for everyone including you. Keep doing this no matter what. That's what carries people through life, no matter how long or short.
 

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Ron,

I'm perhaps the worst person to give up lifting advise to anyone. However, as Joe said, you are relatively young and you only need one kidney. Even if this turns into something that causes them to take one, you can live a long and happy life with just the other.

I won't go into details about my own medical history except to say that at almost 60, I have out lived my Father, Uncle, Grandfather and a couple of cousins. All of whom died at much younger ages than I currently am and all from some long term medical issues.

Life is a series of trials. Its our response to them that either makes us or breaks us. Medicine is 5% knowledge, 5% luck, and 90% attitude. You can defeat almost anything with the right attitude bro. So, stay positive.
 

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Hey Ron, so sorry to hear this but you hang in there. Knowledge is power and now you know what's going on and can formulate a plan. From your description, it sounds like they caught this thing early and it isn't too aggressive. The treatments are probably going to suck for a while but I'm totally confident that you will come through this a stronger, healthier, more resilient person. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you and God bless.
 

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You asked, I will answer:

I would suggest eliminating some of the stressors in your world. Dump the relationship with the facebook female. You are married and a dad. Look for strength there. If it is focusing on fixing your relationship with your wife or being the best dad you can or both (I suggest both). You can work out some of your anxiety by working on these things that are right. You may be experiencing some post traumatic stress based on your history with your Dad. Open up to somebody about this. Your brother may have the same feelings. Talking to somebody, wife, brother, minister, counselor, cat, whoever, will help. Steer clear of the ex-GF she can offer nothing but more stress. Once again, relieving stressors. I have been down the traumatic stress road and "manning up" is not the way to alleviate it. "Boozing up" is not either, by the way. You will find peace and strength in seeking God if you choose to. You say you aren't a religious person, me either, but I have faith, a faith in a who God listens and works things out in His will. I will pray for your situation- healing, peace, leadership, and increased knowledge {Nuff said, for now}. Part of the not knowing 'til the DR appt is the fear of the unknown. I would say counter that by acknowleding and grasping what you do know and seek to know more. Work a little Bing search, assist some of us Izuzu droids with our auto-issues, play ball with that little dude, bring some flowers home to Mrs...
We'll be here waiting to hear the next installment and pulling for you, no doubt.
 

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A little background first:
  • In November, 1991 my mother died
    In February 1992, my wife died
    In February 1993 my oldest sun died
I was in kind of a shell-shocked condition for a while and I really thought it was getting handled after each and every death - but a new death only opened up the feelings for what was then two and then three of my most important people in my life dying in 14 months time.

OK - where does this take you? To you and your dad's situation.

To have this 'thing' happen to you with your kidney and possible loss of it in the future is coming pretty close to the death of your father.

Now I know what I'm going to say might shock you - but it was a revelation to me when I had it pointed out to me that I was in a situation where you are prolly right now too.

First, let me say that you haven't had time or allowed yourself to have the time to go through the seven stages of grief over your dad's dying yet.

As hard as it may seem, when someone dies we feel like WE are the injured party! Yup! I sure felt that way for a while.

But you know what? Once I saw that the emotions i was having were perfectly normal and could even be ticked off on one finger after another until all seven stages were passed through, the healing's not there.

Not yet.

Anyway - what you are going through is NOT something new and just now invented just to pick on you. I can bet there are many people - even hundreds, thousands and maybe millions who have had this same thing happen to them and maybe even in the same situation as you find yourself in, today.

Not to minimize your situation - but we all have the same failings of life and if we let them bowl us over then we just give up and make things worse as we shell-up and take a fetal position on our troubles.

Well ---- with that little preamble, I present you with the following Seven Stages Of Grief with the idea that you should try to figure where you are in relation to your dad's demise:::

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

Yes - so there are 7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future...

Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone....

You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
May you find the peace in yourself with the death of your father and then you can get on with the problems at hand. You need to be well to face this challenge, and if you go in not over or in control of your feelings for the last situation that hit you, you will be weakened and not have the best of outcome for your condition.

Please, try to gather your thoughts and channel them on the need to get well yourself.

I'm sorry this is hitting you in what appears to be a one-two, rapid succession, but life's not fair (that's a bad old quote - but true) and it's your time to heal now.
 

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Sabre07 said:
I would suggest eliminating some of the stressors in your world. Dump the relationship with the facebook female. You are married and a dad.
This is what I'd suggest. The problem is, in that mental condition people usually tend to make stupid decisions and they do not listen to the advises.

Unfortunately, I know a lot about these things, on the very personal level. I do not want to go into details.

Let me warn you, lowzone: there is 0% chance that mentally you are OK, under the circumstances. Be prepared to question all your choices and decisions.

The good thing is that the death is a relatively minor disappointment or inconvenience. There are much worse things in the life. If the worst thing that happened to you is the death, consider yourself a lucky guy. Go to the priest, make arrangements and relax. Honestly, it is not that bad. Try to leave the child with some support. Find out about your life insurance.

But hopefully, it will not come to that, and your cancer can be figured out.
 

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Ron,
Don't beat yourself up with guilt and such.
There are times in life when we are tested in hard ways.
Be strong, keep your chin up, and i will pray and think about you.

Sure keep us posted on everything and hopefully, you'll be out of harms way in no time.
With a very clear understanding about how precious life is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Im not dead YET!!! its a small mass, it would be years before it would actually kill me if left unattended, just kinda scares me how and why its there, will it come back. the GF has actually been helpful actually. kept me calm in the most part. will i need Chemo, radiation, how bad will the surgery hurt....these are questions i ask and run through my head all day. i was given a clean bill of health 3 weeks ago, but they missed this one report. kinda knocked me down off my high horse. its amazing how i can feel the best i ever felt then get news like that and all alarms and panic mode set in....Holger, kinda scaring me MORE LOL....i dont have a preist, and the life insurance is more then enough. i was really hoping someone here had had a mass removed or a kidney to explain what im going to have done, the unknown is what realllllllllly scares the [email protected] out of me!!! ill do what i have to for my kid and myself. thank you all and Joe, im sorry to hear about your losses. i cant imagine losing my son, thats why im so scared of this....thank you all again. You are all the best of the best (except Queffer)
Ron
 
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